Chapter 98 — New Stomping Grounds
The Curve of Time, Chapter 98 —— New Stomping Grounds, in which Saskia reflects on what has happened and starts life anew.
Followed by thoughts about how endings are rarely endings.
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— 98 —
New Stomping Grounds
Saskia had intended to keep this timeline’s Mica for herself. After all, there were two Saskia’s now, only one Mica, and no reason that the Mica and Saskia of this timeline would ever cross paths. Her younger self’s reaction to Saskia’s revelations, however, forced a rethink.
There was no question of demonstrating slipping in time, as she’d done in her original timeline, but there was also no way to un-live everything she had. Context mattered and she couldn’t just wish herself somewhere——or to be someone——else. People earned their way to who they were.
Frustrating though that principle was, it was the same principle that protected this world from a meddling time traveler from another branch of the universe; to make it here from there would require traversing Saskia’s same path back to the break point, and to somehow follow Saskia along this new branch to their present.
So it was, with this timeline’s Mica lacking Saskia’s frame of reference, Saskia opted to set her up with her equally innocent younger self.
Mica raised an eyebrow at Saskia when Saskia preemptively informed her that they weren’t twins. “You can check it for yourself later——I’m sure you will.” Saskia then waved at her younger self. “You two can bond over your shared disbelief of my claims.”
As she left them, Saskia wondered how finely calibrated to their initial conditions the success of any relationship was. She was optimistic for the new couple.
∞
Eliminating time travel, and setting her younger self up with Mica, gave Saskia the sense that events in time really were malleable. Though living in one direction along a timeline in which no one could slip in time——how could one ever know if their whims were cause or effect?
As the days ticked by in this reconstructed reality Saskia’s old world nagged at her. What was happening——had happened? would happen?——in the timeline she’d left? The further back it receded, into the past of her own life curve, the more dreamlike it all felt. To such an extent, that to assure herself that she wasn’t crazy, she did permit herself, once in a while, to adjust her own path through the world she was living in——speed it up just a little, or slow it down.
It reminded her of one of her favorite take-aways from George Orwell’s 1984: that a minority of one wasn’t the same as insanity.
She was the hero in a story that nobody else knew they were characters in. That was OK, though, she knew what she’d done.
Over the ensuing years, Saskia would remain vigilant, wary that time travel might somehow bubble to the surface again, for she still didn’t have any idea how it had happened in the first place——what had precipitated it.
The one person who might have believed her was her mother. Saskia could never quite tell. Miranda did give her a big hug when she described the alternative timeline that she’d annexed. She had even echoed her former doppelganger’s declaration that her actions were noble. Of course, of all the people in the world, Miranda would be the most sure that she hadn’t birthed twins.
Miranda had gone on to assure Saskia that as you got older you realized how mercurial life was. “Some people look at old people and they think we just don’t care anymore, but it’s not that. You just understand that good things come, and bad things come. And you should enjoy the former, and try not to sweat the later.”
Saskia returned her mother’s big hug. It was nice to be believed.
“People think they have agency,” Miranda had continued. “And they do, but it only goes so far. In the end we all turn back to dust. So, you might as well smile and enjoy the ride.”
∞
Human lives were finite. The whole world was. People could speculate that the universe went on forever——the way a two dimensional plane did——but it would be difficult to appreciate what that meant. Repeatedly halving a distance was instructive where such thinking went: say you held your hands at arm’s length apart and started halving the distance between them. At 120 steps into your endeavor, you’d be splitting the width of an atom to halve your distance. Intellectually, you could keep halving distances, but . . .
It was confronting, realizing that our greatest scientific efforts would run into physical real world barriers, well before our minds hit a snag in the road.
The vastness of the universe was the same, but in a different direction. We were less than specks in the cosmos. And while Saskia’s efforts to save the universe from fracturing into untold irreparable splinterings may have succeeded for now, she understood that there was no guarantee that such a splintering wouldn’t happen later.
But it was today that mattered.
She knew that the universe was, in the full course of time, ultimately doomed, but Saskia had saved it for now.
Tending to the stomping grounds in which you were born, that was the important stuff. There wasn’t much more you could do. And if everyone made that sort of effort, well, the world would be a happier place. Even little planetary dilemmas, like Mica’s concerns about climate change might get dealt with.
Saskia smiled a satisfied little smile and rested her head on her pillow.
Well, that was the final chapter, Friends. I hope it was a satisfying conclusion!
Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. It feels appropriate for a time travel novel to end before the beginning.
For me, I’m acutely aware that this is actually a draft. Indeed, behind the scenes, I’ve already made changes to earlier chapters that improve the story, and I see many more changes ahead. Nothing particularly structural, but polish matters. Still, even when I do publish the final version——and there will be something about publishing that does feel maybe a bit more final——that will be just another passage in my life as a writer, which is but a chapter in my life as a whole.
It’s all a reminder that rarely is anything actually an end.
Of course, defining goals can add artificial markers to our lives. Define success for us. That such signposts shift and morph from one landmark to the next reminds us that, even without time travel, life is fluid.
Like most people, how I’ve defined success has changed over the years. It started with simple in-the-moment goals: stand up, speak a word (though here I am projecting onto my long forgotten past, what I see in other toddlers). That naturally transitioned to the need to find my place in the world; securing friends. Of this, I have vague recollections, and for external confirmation I’ve witnessed my own kids’ paths. Then, it was emulating my role models; seeking academic and sporting success, and later success in the arts. From that emerged the desire for a career, a life partner, and family. Perhaps it’s not so much that we seek one sort of success at any point in life, but that there is a shifting vector in the multi-dimensional space of our wants and needs.
Or maybe it’s a version of Maslow’s hierarchy, and as more fundamental goals are achieved (or merely dwindle in importance) we reach down and find secondary and tertiary aspirations. Though, as I say this, that feels backwards, since family and friends feel of pretty paramount importance, and were, I suspect, in our ancestry only more important.
Thinking about wider support structures, it seems natural that our goals shift to more altruistic endeavors as we age. Here, I have tribal elders in mind. As you know, for me, BEAM——the bridge to entering advanced mathematics——has been a focal point in recent years. They are a wonderful organization lifting up young kids from marginalized backgrounds, and much closer to the beginning of their life’s journey, and exposing them to the joys of pure maths. Joining the advisory board this year has certainly added a meaningful guidepost to how I spend my time.
If you’re in the circumstances that you have the means to think about others, now’s a good time to give consideration a BEAM donation, they have a five times match drive going on this month. It’s a great opportunity to help kick-start the next chapter in someone else’s life.
Finally, a note of housekeeping: I’m going to take a little holiday break and return in the new year with some bonus material. Hopefully, I’ll also have a little news on my next project.
Until then, thanks again for listening and, as always, be kind to someone and keep an eye out for the ripples of joy you’ve seeded.
Cheerio
Rufus
PS. If you think of someone who might enjoy joining us on this experiment, please forward them this email. And if you are one of those someone’s and you’d like to read more
